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Yoshikage Kira vs. Jones Bellone
Yoshikage Kira vs. Jones Bellone 'is a ''What-If? Death Battle pitting Yoshikage Kira of ''JoJo's Bizarre Adventure ''against Jones Bellone, an OC created by DayBefore. '' ' Interlude '(Cue Invader - Jim Johnston)' '''Boomstick: Pricks with superpowers, oh joy!' Wiz: And two outstanding examples in that regard are Yoshikage Kira, ''the mass-murderer from Morioh, '''Boomstick: And ''Jonathan "Jones" Bellone, ''that pretentious prick of an accountant! He's Wiz, and I'm Boomstick,' Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win in a Death Battle. Yoshikage Kira *''Note: the Kira being used here is legacy Kira, with his original identity, Killer Queen, Sheer Heart Attack, and Bites the Dust. I'm gonna consider Stray Cat an assist since he isn't the Stand Master.'' (Cue Killer Queen) Wiz: Yoshikage Kira is a man who claims to want to live a "quiet" life. His hobbies...aren't. Boomstick: And his most prevalent hobby being calculated, premeditated murder! Ain't he just a charmer? ''' Wiz: Though, to be fair, he's ''very ''good at covering things up, thanks in part to his Stand, Killer Queen. '''Boomstick: Even those Yoshikage's personality isn't all that bombastic, Killer Queen's specialty is blowing shit up in as many ways as possible. If you touch something Killer Queen's explosive touch has, ''BOOM! ''If Killer Queen's disposable mini-tank, Sheer Heart Attack, comes at you, ''BOOM! ''And if you try to interrogate someone who knows about Kira's identity, ''BOOM, ''but with ''TIME TRAVEL!'' Wiz: Yes, perhaps KQ's most complicated ability, Bites the Dust, serves as a "reset button" in case things go south, creating an explosion that reverses time from an hour to a day. To do this, Kira tells a person of his identity and all of his murderous deeds, and should the interrogator be questioned, it activates. Anyone who has BtD planted on them is safe from dying of it, but the interrogators themselves become fated to die at the same time in the following loop. When Kira finds out who dies in that loop, he can let time run smoothly; essentially, an invincible ability. Boomstick: Not without a catch! Killer Queen can only have one of three abilities (Killer Queen, Sheer Heart Attack, Bites the Dust) active meaning that, if someone attacks Kira while Bites the Dust is active, he's completely defenseless! ''' Wiz: Another oft-overlooked part of Killer Queen's skillset is its physical strength. Yeah, apart from being a walking stick of dynamite, Killer Queen is ''easily ''capable of killing a human, punching a ''hole ''through high-schooler Koichi Hirose. While mostly overlooked in favor of other punchghosts like Crazy Diamond, Kira's Stand is no slouch either. '''Boomstick: Say, why ''does ''Kira like killin' so much? Wiz: ...Lady-hands. Boomstick: What--''' Wiz: The less you know, the better. ''Kira: What I'm trying to say is that you are exactly the kind of '''Troublesome Nuisance '''that threatens my tranquility. So, before you talk to anyone else, '''I will erase you.'' Jonathan Bellone (Cue Megalovania - Cognitive Dissonance) Boomstick: For most of his life, Jones wasn't special, getting good grades, applying to a good college, living in a good house. Wiz: And he stayed ''that way until one day, oh, ''one day, he happened upon a golden cube the size of his palm, known as the Contrivia by the gods who created it. Nobody knows exactly how many Contrivia there are on the planet, or where, but what is ''known is that they grant whoever happens to find them a "random" power. Some Gods are more deliberate in their methods of choosing. '''Boomstick: Who let this guy have powers? ''I ''deserve powers, dammit! I do!' Wiz: We all do, Boomstick. We all do. Regarding Jonathan's ability, "Fortune's Reversal", in blunt terms, it allows him to avert death, if only for a few times. Boomstick: Yep, every time Jonathan bites it, he just says "Screw it", and wakes up back at home. Once the first death occurs though, he's only got two more free deaths before it's final, and if that doesn't work, he can always just wait twenty-four hours after the first death to get his lives back. Wiz: For almost any other person, this would put them in Godlike territory. In Jonathan's hands however, it...isn't. He hasn't built up any experience using Fortune's Reversal simply because there's never a need to use it in ordinary life, and he doesn't play the role of the hero unless it specifically aligns with his well-being. And as one would assume from that knowledge, he doesn't have the most physical build, standing at only 5'10'', and quite skinny at that. Furthermore, despite his above-average intellect, his own pride can and will make him do things that go against common sense. Boomstick: But hey, good thing Jonathan's ego isn't bloated enough that he won't use dirty tactics! In a fistfight with Jones, anything goes! Biting, clawing, spitting, hair-pulling, you name it and he's done it! Household weapons aren't even out of the question, including (but not limited to)... * Three kitchen knives and a singular steak knife. * A shovel. * His car. * A container of gasoline and a packet of matches. * A frying pan. Wiz: With all that said, will Jonathan's ability and sheer pragmatism allow him to overcome a superpowered serial killer? Boomstick: Dear God, I hope not. Jonathan: You'll rue the day you crossed Jonathan Bellone! Rue it, I tell you! DEATH BATTLE! "Ah, I knew ''moving to Morioh was a good move on my part." Jones sighed, taking in a whiff of a fresh air. "What, a beautiful..." He lost the word, having misplaced his Japanese-to-English dictionary. "''Duwang." He nodded, confident in his stride as he walked into a grocery store on a whim for a bite, because fast food was just below him. '---' Elsewhere at the deli section, Yoshikage Kira was having troubles. Woman ''troubles. "Lunch? Here?" He glanced around in faux-shock, before turning his lovely gaze to the severed hand in his coat. "My-my-my, that's dreadfully expensive, don't you know." He rolled his eyebrows sensually. "...Saucy little whore." "I ''suppose ''we could see what's here. I'm feeling a sandwich, you?" He mused beneath his breath. Luck was on his side, evidently, as it happened to be the last sub in stock. Kira reached out, grabbing the plastic wrapping the exact moment someone else did. "Um." "''Ahem." "Pardon." Kira made eye contact with the man next to him. They were roughly the same height, short black hair, glasses, shirt-and-tie. The kind of boring everyman Kira pretended to be. "Looks like you're out of luck." "Nonono," the man shook his head, with a painfully smug smirk. "I touched it first, I'm afraid." Kira's expression remained static as he yanked the sandwich away. "I'm taking this." "What?!" The man's expression contorted. "Have you no shame?! Give that sandwich back to its rightful owner this instant!" "It doesn't have a 'rightful owner' until its been bought. There's a McDonald's across the street, make do there." Rather than defuse the situation, the remark only seemed to set off the man more. "How dare ''you! As if I'd stoop so low! That was a crack at my American heritage, wasn't it?" "What?" "Well then!" The man rolled up his sleeves and put up his scrawny fists. "Have at it!" '''FIGHT!' (Cue Old Town - Battle Tendency) A crowd was already beginning to form around the two, to Kira's frustration. "No. I'm not participating in this." He turned around, and walked away, getting a self-satisfied grin from Jones. Still, he persisted to egg Kira on."What, scared are you? Have you no shame?!" Jones bobbed on his toes, putting up the most pitiful boxing stance Yoshikage had seen in years. He pretended not to see it, bought the sandwich at checkout, and left. '---' "Another day, another philistine." Jones mumbled, shuffling out the store. "Where'd I park that damn thing..." "Hey." He was hardly paying attention, walking along the side of the store when he saw that blonde asshole with the sandwich, eating it right in front of him. "What do you want? Come to reclaim your shattered pride, hm?" Jones ruffled up his sleeves, prepping for a 'rematch'. "My namesh Yoshikage Kira." He spoke through a mouthful of sandwich. Chew. ''"I don't know how many girlfriensh I've been through, exactly. Probably more than you. I'm thirty-three years old." "Why are you telling me this? I'm on the clock right now, in case you can't tell." Jones had half a mind to simply walk past, but arrogance wouldn't allow it. "Becaushe..." Some crumbs spilled out of the blonde's mouth, prompting him to dab it with a napkin. He swallowed. "Excuse me. Because I'm going to blow you to smithereens." "Metaphorically?" "Sure." Kira smiled maliciously, summoning Killer Queen wordlessly. ''Let's test. ''His Stand moved forward, getting in Jones's face, and poking his forehead. He blinked and stumbled, as if he'd lost his balance. ''He's not a Stand user. Just peachy. ''"Is that a hipster cafe opening across the street?" Kira pointed behind Jones, prompting the latter to whip around. "Where?!" Killer Queen snatched a coin from Kira's wallet, and flicked it at Jones's forehead. The explosion that resulted was quick and efficient, consuming his entire body in one, all-consuming flame. "Whew. It's good to vent sometimes." '''Announcer: K.O....?' While Kira lead his newest 'girlfriend' into a cushy car, Jones's body rematerialized in the store's shadow, watching him drive away like nothing happened. No police. No horrified onlookers. The explosion might as well have been invisible. "In what sane world..." Jones muttered. "...Dick." Whoever he was, he would rue ''the day he crossed Jones Bellone. ''Rue it. Conclusion Boomstick: Fucking called it! Wiz: And so, absolutely nothing of note happened that summer day in Morioh. Author's Note I was gonna write more but then I realized that probably would've killed the joke. Hold this L, Jones. Polls Who are you rooting for? Yoshikage Kira. Probably Kira. Leaning towards Kira on this one. My bet's on Kira. Jonathan, maybe. How about Kira? Yep, Kira. Do you agree with the conclusion? It was pretty alright. Like Hell I do! Category:'OC vs Character' Themed What-If? Death Battles Category:DayBefore Category:What-If? Death Battles Category:Death Battles under construction for 1 year Category:Death Battles under construction for 2 years